Sunday, November 06, 2005

Another beautiful day

It's is Sunday afternoon now. The day that started out very foggy is now a beautiful fall day. Church was good. Pastor Smith is still doing his series on churchmanship in the Sunday School. Pastor Martin apparently finished his series on repentance last week and he has now moved on to saving faith. Andy and I hung around for a little bit after church and then went home. I drove home -- I think it's fun getting back into the Jetta. I didn't even stall it! That little car has a lot of pickup.
John came over for lunch. I picked on him a bit of course. =) Then I did dishes and now I'm going to read a bit and maybe take a nap before the evening service.

In the midst of the conversations earlier this morning with people at church, I came to a realization. I think I've adjusted much more this week than I have in all the past weeks. I'm wondering if it's because reality has kicked in. My parents are really gone now and it's not just something that is in the future -- something that I don't want to look forward to. Now that they are indeed gone, I think I have forced myself to adjust. I do feel more like I belong on campus -- more than ever before. Of course it's weird being "independent." I had to go get gas, restock my food supply, get shampoo, do laundry -- little things that I've never really had to do. Having to stand on my own two feet is actually kinda neat. In some ways I don't mind, but then I start to wish I were a dependent little girl again. But in a general sense, I think I'm getting used to college. I'm actually happy, for the most part, at school. There are times when I still feel very different from everybody, but I've learned more about getting out and being alone. I wouldn't really choose to go around alone, but I'm usually not bored when I'm outside. The days have been so beautiful and sometimes I just like getting away. A few weeks ago I would have said that I didn't belong on campus and that I just needed to go home to everything familiar. Now, after adjusting more than before, I know God has me here for a reason and although I miss home and my parents, I'm not digging my heels in. I think I really was resisting before. Although I miss the familiar things of life, I do like getting used to the changes, and God has placed little things around me that make me feel at home.

It has been a growing time. The best thing I've learned so far is dependency on my Father in Heaven. This little girl has to grow up, but is still so dependent! I've learned more about crying "Abba! Father!" It is weird to go out without asking or go out and not stop by my dad's study and tell him where I'm going. Nobody calls me into his study to pray before leaving. Sometimes I feel like picking up the phone just to tell my parents where I'm going and should I do this or not. A year ago I could never have imagined the life I live now. Sometimes, walking around campus, I realize how real it is. I remember trying to imagine what it must be like to live away from any family... but now I'm actually living it. It's so different. So different. But I'm happy -- under the wings of my Father!

"Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new
strength;They will mount up
with wings like eagles,They will run and not get
tired,They will walk and not
become weary."Isaiah 40:31

"Ngunit silang naghihintay sa Panginoon ay
magpapanibagong lakas, sila'y
paiilanglang na may mga pakpak na parang mga
agila, sila'y tatakbo at hindi
mapapagod, sila'y lalakad, at lalakad, at
hindi manghihina."Isaias 40:31


Mike said... does this work exactly? can i still just comment on your xanga?

Anonymous said...

Hey Becky... I was just reading this old blog of yours and found it helpful. Thanks for sharing how difficult it was for you to adjust to living away from home. I feel that way too, but it definitely has been getting easier. And, I've learned to depend on God which is a good thing. Hope to see you soon. By the way, you don't live too, too far away and you have a this means you're going to have to come visit me sometime and we can hang out! Well have a good day tomorrow. Anne D. might be coming up to Tenth tomorrow!! :) Love ya, Carrie